From As Life Changes Shape

Enough for Now

An excerpt from the book.

My wife said, “I don’t want you to do too much.”

I told myself, I’ll stay and finish.

She loves yard work. I love the look of a neatly manicured lawn. It feels unfair to enjoy it if I haven’t helped bring it about.

It’s getting harder for me. Lately I come in from outside needing something, though I’m not sure what. I sit down, and only then do I realize how tired I am. I can no longer work more than an hour or two without paying for it. The rest of the day becomes recovery.

She sees it before I do. She always has. “Let me do it,” she says.

It used to irritate me. This time it felt different. Not anger. Something closer to disappointment.

I used to finish what I started without thinking about it. Now I measure the work in pauses. I notice how long it takes my breathing to settle and what I can’t ignore.

The yard still needed work.

When she reached for the rake, I let go.

That was enough for now.